UP Catholic 04 22 2016 E Edition Page 4

4 April 22, 2016 THE U.P. CATHOLIC COMMENTARY www.upcatholic.org Six Day Silent Retreat June 5 - 10, 2016 Cost: $235.00 Eight Day Silent Retreat July 31 - August 7, 2016 Cost: $310.00 SILENT DIRECTED RETREATS For Men and Women A directed retreat is designed for those who seek to listen and respond to the Lord in an environment of solitude and silence. Anyone is welcome: Catholics and those of other faith traditions. Does it feel like your life is out of control? Too busy, stressed? In this little book local author Holly Cartwright Geurts gives ips to help you regain control and make life better. Discounted books with free shipping may be ordered through the author at: Holly Cartwright Geurts 8053 N.25 Lane - Gladstone, MI 49837 Enclose a check or money order. Please specify soft-cover at $12 or hardcover at $15 Available in Marquette at NMU Bookstore, Mustard Seed in Manistique, or at Positively and Bookworld in Escanaba. Also available on-line at: Amazon.com, BarnesandNoble.com, and Xlibris.com. The author is occasionally available to speak for small groups. You can reach her at: hollycartwrightgeurts@yahoo.com R ejoice. Jesus is risen. The devil lost again! Be joyful and share your joy. Father James Martin, SJ, in his book, Between Heaven and Mirth, relates this episode in his life: He was concluding a froup retreat and at the last session the director asked if some retreatants would share what the retreat meant to them. Father Martin vol- unteered to start. When he stood up and looked around he saw that all the other male retreatants had left so he began, I see that I am the only man still here. A voice from among the sisters spoke up, And blessed are you among women! A rabbi was teaching about the history of the Chosen People. One lad raised his hand and asked, Rabbi, you tell us that the children of Israel did this and the children of Israel did that and the children of Israel went here and the children of Israel went there. Didnt the frown-ups ever do anything! At a rummage sale I picked up a 4 x 10 piece of beautifully finished wood. Upon turn- ing it over I saw the words: Put this wood in the middle of the floor. Walk around it twice. If you are asked if you exercised today you can say that you walked around the block two times. Seven year old David went to confession. For his penance the priest told him to say the Our Father three times. I dont know the Our Father, David said. Well, then say the Hail Mary three times. I dont know the Hail Mary, either. What prayer do you know? the priest asked. I know the Angelus he re- plied. Please say it for me, the priest asked. David bowed his head, closed his eyes and began, BONG, BONG, BONG! One day the devil challenged the Lord to a baseball game. Smiling, the Lord proclaimed, You dont have a chance. I have Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, Stan Musial and all the great- est players up here. Yes snickered the devil, but I have all the umpires. I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctors permission to join a local fitness club and start exercising. I be- fan with an aerobics class for seniors. I beat, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. By the time I got my leotards on, the class was over! One senior husband found the key to safe driving for his wife. He reminded her that if she had an accident, the newspapers would print her age with the police report. An anecdote is a tale, said the teacher. Now, Sid, use anecdote in a sentence. Sid replied, I tied a can to the dogs anecdote. A small child with a bad cold was taken by her parents to the urgent care clinic. A nurse, examining the childs lungs with a stethoscope said, I have to see if Barney is in there. I have Jesus in my heart, said the child. Bar- ney is on my underwear. It happened in a rural church in southwest- ern Kansas. The pastor announced, I have been asked by the elders to pray for rain. He paused, looked down at the elders in the front pew and said, Im not going to do it. You knew for a week I was going to pray for rain, but none of you brought an umbrella. When Edward Everett Hale was chaplain of the U.S. Senate he was asked, Do you pray for the senators, Dr. Hale? No, he replied, I look at the senators and pray for the country. Any baseball team could sure use a man who plays every position superbly, who never strikes out and who never makes an error. But theres no way for the manager to make him lay down his hot dog and come out of the grandstand. One man was telling his friend about his wife being in labor with their first child. Things were going pretty well, she did her breathing and it helped. Suddenly she began shouting, Shouldnt, couldnt, didnt, cant, wont. Doctor, whats wrong with my wife? Nothing. Shes just having contractions. Smile and laugh. Be full of joy and hope. And pass it on! Risus Paschalis (The laughter of Easter) REFLECTIONS FROM NORTHSTAR Regis Walling Pope Francis @Pontifex A Christian brings peace to others. Not only peace, but also love, kindness, faithfulness and joy. (Pope Francis on Twitter Nov. 15, 2014)

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